confusing

today,i had a winter mood such same as weather of today..

i'm feeling not well,unhappy,sadness..and finally,cried over in my empty room..
i don't know what's the most important for me right now..totally failed be human..it's getting hurt..i just like a bitch..!!

i'm totally out of mood today..
boyfriend is gone and angry me..i knew,he hates me..
but wish he understand me,i love him so much..!!!!i don't wanna leave him,and of course,i wish you stay with me until end of my life..but will you wait for me??

my cousin has suggest me open a shop with her..
for gain money here...it's heard like good and lot of advantage there..but still need to think it again..it's may change my life there,as i know..

pinky,suddenly i miss you so much..even thought i just met you for few days..how are you now?did other doggies to bully you..you must be strong,i can't to provide you..you no more safe haven,try to alive there..i'm sorry that i can't to help you..this is my sorriness and shame on you forever and ever..little pinky,take good care..wish god bless you there..little pinky,i love you too,i hope,you can understand me.i regret that i havent take a photo with you,i miss you badly..

money..studying..and boyfriend..all of this i wanna and i wish that to keep together and stay with me..however,it's impossible together belong to me..this world is unfair,pointless..is the time to make me up,to be stronger..i knew myself,it can't come true..